Kirstie Alley = DRAG QUEEN and other rants

Ok, I know I can't be the only one thinking this: Kirstie Alley looks like a drag queen these days. Really, she looks exceptionally manish. Sorry, I tend to spaz out at Jenny Craig commercials....

So, back in September there was a body found left in a dumpster. Back in September the news was referring to is as a dumpster. However, NOW the news has decided to get all politicallu correct about garbage and it's now a "body found in a trash receptacle". I find this new wording unacceptable. Clarification? SURE! By definition a receptacle is anything that holds items or matter. Therfore, a TRASH receptacle would be anything that holds an item or matter of trash. A. This means our politically correct news is now referring to a dead body as trash, that's someone's family ya know! B. A "trash receptacle" could range anywhere from a plastic sand bucket to one of those PODS things they advertise on T.V...as long as it holds matter of trash. Besides, when I think trash receptacle I think kitchen garbage can, and who stuffs a body in there? Well...we are dealing with OTR geniuses...

Here's an example of CPD at it's finest. "Police Search for Stabbing Victim". Yeah, probably about as hard as they search for home invaders and car thieves, but we won't get into that right now. Apparently a man admitted to stabbing another man in some woods on Central Parkway. How much searching should need to be done? Did this lunatic stab a miracle of modern science? Is there not a blood trail to follow? Is this like that movie "City of Angels" where the guy doesn't bleed when he cuts his finger? The cops decided to go door to door, not selling donuts, but in search of the stabbing victim. Door to Door? Apparently CPD has been taking lessons from Avon when it comes to fighting crime. How about checking local hospitals? If I get stabbed, I'm not going back home. "Honey, get me a beer..I've been stabbed." Maybe this man is a miracle, and he didn't bleed. I can imagine the scenario: "Hey Jo-Jo...go ahead stab me..see if I bleed. Oh dang..I do bleed..go tell the po-po!!". Dumbest city ever..

Now, as irritating as this city might be, I think I stay for the good news stories. If Cincinnati is boring, I can always count on Hamilton to provide entertainment. It's Monday and we have a winner for the douchebag award, because I don't know that this can be topped. A knife-weilding psycho moron jumped over the pharmacy counter at a Wal-Greens in Hamilton and demanded OxyContin. Though she works in Hamilton, the pharmacist isn't a TOTAL boob, because she handed over the goods and let the psycho baboon go. A few hours later this douchie shows up in the Ft. Hamilton Hospital ER after overdosing on OxyContin. That's pure genius right there. And heres genius for you to marvel at! (i know you all like the visuals)

Remember that Haitian lady who landed in Hollywood Florida a few months ago with a skull in her bag? Well, she's being charged with: smuggling a human head into the United States without proper documentation, Failure to declare a human head, and Transporting hazardous material in air commerce. I love it. What qualifies for proper documentation for a human head? Is there even a place on the form the declare a human head? "Um stewardess, I declared all of my alcohol and the 14 pounds of cocaine in my bag..but there's not a box to check for the human head in my carry-on..what should I do?" Her defense is AWESOME by the way: "I need the head to ward off evil spirits." I think "evil spirits" means "I was a hired hitman and I need to carry the skull as proof that I did the deed in order to collect the kiz-ash". I also like that she gets a plea deal to avoid deportation. I mean, this skull was complete with human hair, teeth and skin!! Elian Gonzalez, you are 6 years old and sailed across the Gulf of Mexico on half a barrel and a Cadillac tire, Get thee back to Cuba you terrorist! Crazy Haitian lady with a human skull, just plea out, pay the fine...and don't make a voodoo doll of me, enjoy some tax-free American living as an illegal alien. Am I sensing a double standard?