Countdown to Caelan Begins

I will be an aunt again no later than Thursday. My brother called and the doctor says he will induce my sister in law on Thursday, which I think means Caelan will be here Wednesday. Haley decided to appear the day before her induction date, so we shall see.

So, this douche bag in Maryland rode a subway train to Washington D.C. before realizing he had forgotten his 7 month old daughter in the car. He had a "memory flash" in Washington and got on a train back to Maryland. By the time douchie got back to his car concerned citizens had already alerted authorities to the situation, and baby was then safe with mommy (who I'm sure was ready to stab daddy..with a 3 inch paring knife). The man was supposedly "terrified and embarrassed". I'd be terrified too, because I'm sure mommy is like a mother bear and ready to eat this guy. He's being charged with leaving a child under 8 unattended, could face a hefty fine of $500 and 30 days in jail. The defense is lame, and is that dad isn't normally in charge of the baby's childcare arrangements. Well, I can see why! Maybe I'm just different, but when I have something new going on I typically remember it, because I make the extra effort to remember. I forget mundane things, like putting on my watch. Do I think dad meant baby harm? No. Do I think Dad should be more observant? Yes. Would I beat Aaron with a herring if he left my kid in a car? Yes, after I finished beating him with an ironing board..because that's what Martha Stewart would do, and then knit a shawl.

A new study shoes that it's becoming increasingly difficult to find "new blood" in the clergy. By new blood, they mean church leaders under 35 years old. The study shows:

<5% United Methodist Clergy
4% Episcopal clergy
5% Evangelical Lutheran clergy
7% Presbyterians clergy
3% Catholic clergy
12.7% Church of Nazarene clergy

It says nothing about Baptists here, and I'm not sure if they mean actual head of churches or if associate pastors/priests count. However, I'm just going to go by my own churches staff. There have always been associate pastors under 35 in my lifetime, usually they are the youth leaders. However, one must be voted in to the position of head pastor in our church, and there's a ton of old people there, so if you're young..good luck with that.

I think the reason Baptists have an easier time than Catholics getting young priests is that Baptist's encourage marriage and horniness. No joke. Aaron and I had to sit through marriage counseling with an associate pastor (who's under 35) who told us he has sex with his wife 6+ times a week. He is not an attractive man, and his wife looks like an elf. The mental image has been scarring me ever since. On the flip side, Catholics don't encourage marriage or sex for their clergy, and I can't think of any guy under 35 who's swearing off sex. Asking horny guys to give up sex? Forgive me Father, but I'm not stupid. And I keep thinking of this crazy girl from PT school, who had like 7 brothers and sisters..and she was a total crack head alcoholic. She announces one day in class that her mom used to be a nun and her dad was training to be a priest..then they met each other and gave up celibacy.

March is "Women's History Month!". Is this really necessary? Do we need minority history months? I'm moving to Canada when we start having Mexican history month, Cinco De Mayo is bad enough. Let me break down women's history for you: Eve fashioned from Adam's rib, Eve talks to snakes, Eve eats fruit from Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, Eve gets us all cursed (in turn I curse her every 28 days), women submit for thousands of years until Susan B. Anthony throws a fit so we can vote (and gets herself on a silver dollar), Amelia Earhart flies a plane into oblivion, thousands of women burn bras (and now have tits around their waist), Britney Spears & Paris Hilton set the entire gender back by centuries just by being their stupid selves…….and THAT'S women's history.

Apparently poor hospital patients in LA are being dropped off in sketchy areas of town. Literally, they are being dropped off still wearing hospital gowns. There's video on WLWT.COM to prove it. A taxi cab was video-taped dropping a woman off in front of a city mission. The woman couldn't remember anything that was going on. I think this practice is mildly funny, although I am pretty sure it breaks the Hippocratic Oath.