Live Vicariously, Become a Douche Bag

It’s been a while friends and I feel I owe you a little posty post. OH SNAP BATESVILLE! It seems like your Advanced Auto Parts store got robbed. Now, these criminals aren’t very smart. Because they are black (this is NOT what makes them not smart..follow along kiddies) and they went to Batesville. When I think Batesville I do not think black mecca, I think John Deere and old whiteys. So, they were already making spectacles of themselves. I do not think crossing state lines and a police chase makes them any more intelligent. Then one of these bozo’s gets into an apartment and they have to call the SWAT team out. Really..was it necessary? Just wait it out, eventually his friend in a stolen Jeep will be by to go out for BW-3’s and you can get him them.

WHOA! I realize old people are feisty but this is extreme, a senior citizen has been charged with a 1978 murder. A 78 year old man was arrested for the murder of..well, some other person. He also shot someone else, but he’s not a good shot. He left the other person a paraplegic rather than the dead I’m sure he intended. Best part, when he was arrested he had a .38 special on him when he was arrested. Don’t eff with him.

A 12 year old girl was shot in the buttocks in Avondale. She is “in good spirits”. A 10 year old boy was also shot, in the leg. However, this shot does NOT get a Forrest Gump reference. Apparently it was a drive by to little kids. According to a witness there were at least 10 shots fired, only at the kids. Said witness would like to see a curfew in the city, but made a point to include the sarcastic toned “but ya’ll aint going to put no curfew out there, aint nothing going to stop this violence, but a curfew would calm it down”. I love it, I love when citizens express hatred for it’s leaders.

Apparently the life of maids gets pretty hectic. 2 maids in South Carolina got into a fight over toilet paper. (Names have been changed to protect the moronic) Betty claims Billie Sue stole the toilet paper off her cleaning cart, while Billie Sue makes the same accusation of Betty. After getting pissed Betty grabs a plunger and hits Billie Sue, for protection Billie Sue grabs a mop and hits Betty. Billie Sue was arrested for assault and battery with a mop, and her defense stands as “ I was defending myself from the plunger”. Betty has been taken to the hospital for minor injuries. And I did NOT make this up, it’s in the weird news at www.channelcincinnati.com .

This is just as hilarious. A woman in Florida is suing Walgreens for defamation of character, negligent supervision and intentional infliction of emotional distress. The Walgreens worker seems to have left a little message for the woman on her patient information “CrAzY!” I love it. Apparently previously when the women picked up her sleep aid prescription, another message was left “She’s really a psycho!! Do not say her name too loud, never mention her meds by names..” I love it. The woman has obviously made herself an annoying pest at the Walgreens so now she’s just suing them. Way to go lady. I’m taking Walgreens side, because you don’t get called a psycho unless you start acting annoying. FYI…for all of those who don’t know: if you act crazy, you’ll be labeled crazy.

Brain surgery in Oakland is at your own risk. The chief of neurosurgery at an Oakland hospital was wrestled to the floor after a nurse refused to let him operate. What makes him unqualified you ask? Hmmm, he was drunk. That’s right, he was preparing to do surgery on a patient with fractured vertebrae..right next to the spinal cord! If I became a paraplegic because my doctor was drunk, there’d be so much more than medical malpractice to worry about!

Douche Bag of the Week is coming from France. A father was arrested after drugging his children’s tennis rivals. I mean really, is tennis that important? LOVE! That’s about the only tennis term I know..and I could be wrong. The reward for his relentless desire for the most awesome tennis playing children ever? 8 years in prison after this drugging resulted in the death of an opponent. He spiked the water bottles of 27 opponents. Now, I’m not sure how old this man’s children were, but they were playing a 25 year old who fell asleep at the wheel on his way home after losing a match and died. This brings a whole new meaning to living vicariously through your children. Living vicariously by becoming a douche bag….