Hollywood only goes a little gay....

So, I’m sure it’s not necessary that I sound off on the Oscars, but I’m going to anyways..because I’m funny. In a surprising turn of events Hollywood didn’t go totally brokeback gay, which is probably due to the fact that the main actors aren’t considered great yet. Because last time I checked “Bubble Boy”, “10 Things I Hate About You”, and “Dawson’s Creek” and that movie about Richard Nixon didn’t make you a good actor, it made you about $1 million richer than you deserve to be for being in bad movies (although I won’t lie..I do love 10 things I hate about you..it has the proper amount of angst). Brokeback won the director award..and some other, less prestigious awards, but all in all Hollywood avoided a gay blowout.

So Best Picture is Crash? CRASH? Is someone kidding me? Did these boobs even watch that movie? It also won best original screenplay? Hmm, a totally unoriginal movie (which stars Ludacris of all people) wins best original screenplay? Isn’t it ironic..don’t ya think? For those who haven’t seen it, spend your 2 hours doing something far less predictable. The movie is based entirely on stereotypes, and much like sociology it only serves to enforce stereotypes. White people get robbed, a black person steals their car..wait, is this the story of my life? Best part of the movie: RYAN PHILLIPPE, because he’s pretty.

Judi Dench did not win best actress, because she’s too old to be on talk shows not doubt. Felicity Huffman also did not win, because no one has seen her movie and we don’t like trannies. Keira Knightly never had a prayer because pride and prejudice makes us all fall asleep..just the title. Reese Witherspoon DID win because she’s married to Ryan Phillippe, and I’m sure the academy smiles at that…I know I do.

I do smile that Terrence Howard (who was also in crash), nominated for Hustle & Flow did not win. Why am I smiling? Because I don’t think movies about bad rapping should be Oscar worthy. Heath Ledger didn’t win because everyone just pictures him singing too good to be true in the bleachers of a soccer game. Seeing that Philip Seymour Hoffman won an oscar here for Capote I am wishing I had watched. A drunken college bet was that if Hoffman or any of his friends ever won an Oscar they would bark their acceptance speech. Watching the fat guy who sharted in Along Came Polly bark at the Oscar’s would make my heart smile.

And the best original song oscar goes to…”Hard Out Here For a Pimp”….I’ll let you all guess what movie THAT came from.

That's all I have to say about that. (that's from an actually good oscar film)