I don't get it, I'm just not cool

I do not understand this trend of pre-distressed jeans. Being a person who: a) doesn't grow (upwards or outwards), b) has no money & c) is not cool, I am NOT going to pay for jeans that someone (probably an 8 year old working for quarters) has torn up. Excuse me Juan Diaz, go back to the playground..Distressing my jeans is my job. My jeans will be distressed over time, at my own leisure. And by over time, I mean I have a pair of perfectly distressed jeans that I've been working diligently on since 1996. No, I'm not joking, I own a pair of jeans that I've had since the beginning of 9th grade. Sadly, they are bordering on indecent as one of the back pockets is threatening to show my underwear any second now, and this makes my heart sad because they are the perfect jeans and I can't just get rid of them.

Back to my original rant: why would I buy jeans that already have holes in them? I mean, even my distressed jeans are only shredded at the bottom! I don't wear jeans with holes all over the legs. I think these jeans are reserved for girls who are willing to shave their legs in the winter...sorry guys, there's a reason we wear pants. Why would I want holy pants in the cold weather? What irritates me further is that the pre-distressed jeans are the ones that fit the best, and I can't even smile for jeans that fit me when they have holes all over the place. I'm not 80's enough for holy jeans.