Do I Look Like a Pirate to You?

Welcome to the winter of my discontent……

(and if you can’t heart this movie, you should be reading more angry girl books and defining irony)

A white man was pushed out of a window in OTR. Of course his photo was shown on the news, and of course it was a mugshot. The question as to why the only picture of victims in Cincinnati is their mugshots has been posed enough. MY question is what was a white person doing in OTR?!

The tailgates of Chevy pick up trucks are being stolen in Kentucky. I think this is a crime that gives a whole new meaning to tailgate party (b.y.o.t.g.). A census in Kentucky has shown that there is 1 pick-up truck for every 3 licensed drivers. I like that they have to define licensed drivers, because everyone knows that probably about 40% of the drivers in the state are unlicensed (and probably driving pick-up trucks). Tailgates are apparently ~ $1,000 a piece, which makes me believe there is some sort of hillbilly tailgate black market operation going on in Kentucky. I’m glad there’s a state with dumber crime than Ohio.

An anonymous 911 phone call led police to a dead body today. A dead body that had been lying in the home for possibly 3 months. Lets discuss conspiracy, shall we? You’re telling me that 2 weeks after Christmas a body that’s been lying for months is discovered by an anonymous 911 call? Did no one miss this woman? Did the neighbors not smell this woman? Then, as the day unfolded the plot thickened. It turns out this dead woman shared her home with 2 other women! WHAT?! Who lives with a dead woman in their home for 2 months. Apparently the police were called out 3 months ago on a report of a dead body in the home, but nothing was found. Although, Dr. Murray told a story once of finding an old woman’s body in a freezer. Turns out that she died and the daughter didn’t know what to do with her, so shoved her in an old freezer and continued to collect the social security checks. My favorite part was the news was like “yeah, old dead lady found in home…but remember last week..those dogs and cats..what a shame.” The world hates people but loves pets….that’s the moral here.

A 7 year old sprayed bleach into his teachers drink at Lincoln Heights Elementary. First, any place with “heights” or “hill” in the name is the ghetto. Lincoln Heights, Arlington Heights, North College Hill, Bond Hill, Price Hill..you are getting the picture. Second, since when do teachers get to drink in the classroom? And why is her drink sitting in the open for bleach sprayers to poison? Ahh, elementary ed…finger painting.

An old florida couple had a pre-nup that called for the husband to give the wife 5 minute back rubs 3 days a week, a $5 fee for nagging, and the husband was not to wake his wife on her days off of work. This only makes me wish I had a pre-nup. Apparently, the husband somehow secretly divorced his wife 2 years ago. The husband asked for a default judgement and got it, and now the wife doesn’t know she has been divorced for 2 years. Which means the husband was still getting laid, and lying to his ex-wife. There should have been a pre-nup clause for lying about divorce.

Good News Maryland!! Mooning is NOT illegal in your state.A judge in Rockville Md., ruled that mooning is not illegal after a man mooned an 8 year old after an argument at a home owners association meeting. That’s so far beyond flicking someone off and suck my back. This corporate goon (because that’s what cares about the home owner’s association) starts mooning people. Where in life (outside of junior high) is it a good idea to moon in retaliation?? Screw indecent exposure, this man should’ve been arrested for stupidity. Repeat offending jerk off I say.