Random Tasty Treats

I turned on the 11 o'clock news the other night just in time to hear this tasty treat; The Family Dollar store in Roselawn was robbed, suspect was a male seen wearing, and I quote, "a black hoodie and gold teeth". I have several problems with this short story. First, if you're an actual news anchor, should you be saying "hoodie"? Shouldn't you say, "a black hooded sweatshirt"? Please news casters (& writers), step off and leave the slang to us common folk. You know, the ones who aren't getting paid to know how to write and speak appropraitely. Or maybe I was watching Da' Hood News. Second, why was this guy wearing a hoodie? It was like 90 degrees that day, just slap some panty hose on your head and move on! Should we just start looking for a dehyrated criminal now? Third, a black hoodie and gold teeth, in Roselawn, that narrows the search down to oh...everyone! If I find out that this robber had a neck injury and was named Derrick Cannon...well, there will be another blog...

Giddy up Gangstas! Gangsters are apparently back in action in upstate New York. A council woman found a severed horses head in her swimming pool. Apparently she has difficulty making offers people can't refuse, and she certainly seems to know how to make friends and influence people. That's a heck of a thing to wake up to! I hope she has a strong stomached pool boy.

A man in Covington has been arrested after a hit and run incident. This was no ordinary hit and run, oh no! This guy took it one step further. The driver apparently looked to eyewitnesses as if he was trying to run a stop sign, and he plowed over a teen on a bike. I know, we've all joked "2 points for the kid on the bike!", but we don't act it out! THEN he asks the teen if he's ok, and leaves the scene. Here's how he leaves the scene, by putting his car in reverse and backing over the kid, running him over again. No douche bag, I am NOT ok, you just hit me with a truck, twice. You know, it would be a truck too, afterall this was in Kentucky ya'll! So far, it's not been confirmed if the driver was drunk or if he ran over that poor kid on purpose, twice. My guess is a healthy dose of meth and a Colt 45 led up to this tragedy, afterall..it WAS Kentucky. I bet this guy doesn't even remember leaving his house.

The Daniel Carter Beard Bridge was closed briefly Wednesday night. Why was it closed? No, not another semi-truck wreck, not another teenager killing themselves by weaving through traffic, but a man was threatening to harm himself. The police were trying to "save" him. Yep, while crack was being smoked, Meth was being made, and Family Dollar's were being robbed, your tax dollars were going to save someone who doesn't want to save himself. There was also a police boat on stand-by in the river in case this man chose to really hurt himself and jump. This is probably a good thing, because if he WAS serious about hurting himself, he would've jumped in and had himself a drink of that hometown sludge. Honestly, he wasn't hurting anyone else, hand that man some swimmies and call it a night! (thanks for the input Kristen!)

Finally! A moment I have been waiting for! CPD finally makes me smile. Operation Vortex has expanded it's horizons to the Westside. Hmm, you mean there's more than one bad neighborhood in Cincinnati? After setting up a command post at Elder High School (how appropriate), police took off after random drug dealers, gun wielding thugs and prostitutes. Here's where I smile. A prostitute blamed a CPD officer for her arrest saying, "He actually lured me in!" The command post officer replied with the best one liner I've heard in a long time, "That officer did not arrest you for eating a pop tart and drinking a glass of water." There's lesson to be learned there kids, shake whatcha momma gave ya, go to jail.