American Bordem At It's Creepiest!

Ok, I'm not really sure whether to award this kid douche bag of the week or not, but because it's Friday and there might not be anything else lame to happen this week, let's just give it out. Yeah, that's me..always giving it out...you dirty fools.

Apparently some douche in Vermont got bored (no kidding, that's his real excuse) and decided to break into a tomb, cut off some old guy's head and try to make it into a bong. JIGGA HUH?! Now, we all know I'm all about dead people, but cutting off their heads for illegal drug purposes? That's a game I'm just not playing. I have standards yo! Fo' Sho!

What does robbing a tomb for a dead head (no pun intended) in Vermont get you? 2 felony counts and somewhere between 1 to 7 years in prison (BINGO! credit for 14 months served while awaiting trial. Le sigh, that's our justice system). Not only did this weirdo steal a human head, he also stole a bow tie and the man's glasses. I guess he figured head, neck..it's all connected, why not just take it all?

Bragging to your friends after you steal a head, not a great idea. Isn't this how all dumb criminals get caught? Running your mouth about a crime you just committed is an excellent way to get arrested, so take note my felon friends.

Best part: A psychiatrist has diagnosed this kid with "mental health issues". Do we need a psychiatrist in this situation? Let's recap a little Cain and Able situation from here in Cincinnati. Cain beats Able to death with a baseball bat, then walks into the middle of a busy street in Hyde Park to wash the blood off in huge fountain. Then, while he's still dazed and confused he walks across the street to the fire station and says, "someone killed my brother". Um yeah psycho, it was you..we all saw the blood. Now, did they really need not one, not two, but NINE psychiatrists to examine this kid and say, "Yep, severe mental illness"?? NO! He killed his brother and then took a bath in the town square! Was there no other way to waste tax dollars?

Moral of the story, if you steal a human head out of a tomb and plan to smoke pot out of it, you're disturbed. I don't need medical school to know this, it's just common sense. You don't grave rob because you got bored. Also, if you do it and you are my friend, don't tell me about it. I'll think less of you as i'm turning you in, and I won't even try to hide it.