A Fat Kid, A Shoe, and ME!

I am dedicating this post to Kristen, because she might be the only person to understand it.

This is the saddest Meijer story of all time. I'm not kidding, it's the saddest thing I've ever written. There were some joyous years at Meijer, and by joyous I mean there were lots of things to laugh about. There was that guy with the combed forward hair, the guy asking for extra small condoms, Bill was in a box, Pam was feuding over union rules that didn't exist, Kristen was letting me be her hero..it was FABULOUS! Then one day, Kristen was gone and I came to realize two things: Enrique was NOT playing anymore AND everyone had quit.

Hot Boy..GONE! (How did I miss THAT?!), Moqgli was gone (back to the jungle to sing Linkin Park and smoke crack with Baloo I can only assume), Fat & Crazy Mark was gone (locking Sarah Frank in his bedroom I guess..gross..gross all around), drunken Crampy was gone, who'd have thought he'd get smart before I did? Even that bowlegged whore Anna was gone, not that anyone missed her. She was probably gone for years before I realized it.

Sadly, I realized there were only 3 people left:
Andrew - political science dunce (your major is based on nothing, at least maintain the C), bain (or BOEHN!) of my existence, and harasser of my mom (get off my mom already!! she doesn't like you).

Clete - Elder fanatic (you're 29!! Get off your high school!), bathroom crapper (no kidding, he got yelled at for misusing company time for crapping & reading the paper at the same time), and grocery king (and that's just a crown no one should wear).

And Me- Coolest White girl on the block, Hole Counter, just there to yell at children (Dear Parents, have you checked the children? Because I have and they're climbing on my ladder..)

That's right kids..in the end all that was left was: a fat kid, a shoe, and me...it was the saddest life I ever lived.

P.S. Theres no longer a chip in my drink, just one on my shoulder.