Old People and Near Death Experiences

So, remember when I made fun of hill hoppinh teenagers? Well, it's my moment of truth, the REAL reason I was never one of those kids. The reasonis, when my brother was 16 and I was 12, he nearly killed us being one of those kids..it was a Dukes of Hazzard moment. You se,e there's this hill on my parent's street. It's not really a hill though, because it's more like a ramp. Also, my parents live on a busy street and the speed limit is 40, so the average speed is about 50-55 (it makes backing out of the driveway great fun!). So anyways, my brother and I were going somewhere in the 1979 Ford Fairmount he shared with my dad (until my brother killed it) and Scott is like "I can make the Fairmount fly Nik, it's fun," and I'm like "Let's not die today..we almost did that yesterday." He goes on about how it's only fun if you hit the hill at about 60. Well, he was going 60, we ramped the hill and then we almost died. We went airborne and then landed on the wrong side of the road, and my brother decided that maybe this wasn't such a great idea after all. He stopped ramping the hill for like a week or something. So, the Fairmount came up in conversation last week when my brother was in town and my dad says, "It's amazing now that the car is long dead and you have moved out all the stories of how you killed that car are coming out. I just found out last week that you used to ramp hills in it with your sister." Of course, Scott and I are dying laughing. Scott's response, "What? It was about the same size as a Dodge Charger, about the same age..and it was orange..why not play Dukes of Hazzard? Ok, so it wasn't orange..more like creamsicle."

Below is a picture of a Ford Fairmount just like the one in which I nearly lost my life (and the contents of my bladder).

Then, yesterday at work (Dillard's, hole of America..worse than Meijer), I was working in the Big & Tall section, which is where the men's bathroom is located. This old man (and I am talking old, like 90) goes into the bathroom and was in there for over 30 minutes. I was convinced that he had died. His granddaughter went in 3 times to check on him. So he finally comes out of the bathroom, which is in a little hallway. Well, also located in said hallway is the fire exit. You see where this is going right? Confused, elderly man comes out of the bathroom and opens the fire door, setting off the fire alarm. I turn around and see him walk away from the door..and he walks back to the bathroom. I had to go in and get him and he's like "I don't know how to get out of here," NO KIDDING GRANDPA!! So I show him the way out and an old lady who works with me (she's not 90, just 60) comes over looking for the key to turn off the alarm, and she's ranting the whole time (she's the crankiest old lady you've ever seen). She is like "He had to open that damn door! Leave it to old people to ruin everything. When I get that old I hope someone just shoots me like a horse!", and I'm like "when you get there?? you're already....nevermind."

Thats all my stories for now.enjoy the image.