A Hate With An Identity Crisis

Not only does this hate not make any sense, it’s suffering an identity crisis because it’s simultaneously disgusting and delicious. I can’t stand the texture of beans when I eat them. They’re so pasty and gross on the roof of my mouth. Truth be told, I hate the texture so much that I try not to chew when I’m eating any sort of bean cuisine. What’s even more awesome than hating the texture of beans? The fact that I enjoy both black beans, or white chicken chili (which has beans). However, every time I eat them I get that grit in my mouth as if I have just chewed on a piece of sandpaper. It keeps my bean intake relatively low, which may be the saving grace to my marriage..afterall, beans are the musical fruit.

The best part of not liking beans is that I won’t eat real chili, you know, “Texas chili”. Before we were married, my Texan husband’s grandmother gave me her recipe for chili, telling me how much my husband enjoyed it as a young boy. I smiled and accepted it, but all I could think was “It’ll be a cold day before he enjoys it again”. As a child, I would actually starve on nights when we had chili because I wasn’t about to put that spoonful of yuck in my mouth, there wasn’t enough cheese in the world to make it all better. The beans are only 1/3 of the reason I won’t eat chili, the other 2/3 are a combination of meat and tomatoes which I also do not enjoy.

Finally, the WORST beans of all. When I go to a Mexican restaurant I will not even eat and item if it touches that chunky diarrhea they call “refried beans”. Those aren’t beans, I could hang wall paper with that goop! I would die as a Mexican.

Fun and Educational bean fact for the day: Everyone has heard that beans are a good source of protein. This is only a half truth, as beans are only a good source of protein if combined with a grain. Remember that when you go vegetarian.