Another Smelly Blog

While we're on the smelly subjects, I might as well continue the journey. This is the one that baffles the minds of many people, but honestly, I cannot stand the smell of coffee. Everyone knows that person who says, "I don't drink coffee, it always smells good but I just don't like the taste." Well, I am not that person. Unlike green beans, I don't have any traumatic childhood experiences for this hate, I just don't like the smell. However, unlike green beans, I have actually tasted coffee. My beloved went through this not brief enough phase where he wanted to drink coffee. I tried it once and decided that it's not the caffeine that wakes you up, but rather the sensation that you may have just ingested mud. Even chocolate didn't help, and I tend to peace out on things that are beyond the healing powers of chocolate.

I have also found that there are coffee associated smells that are actually WORSE than the smell of fresh brewed coffee. For instance, stale coffee makes me nauseous. I was so upset when Meijer put in the Starbucks up front because it meant all those "classy" broads from West Chester could leave their half empty Venti mocha latte grossay cup o'yuck on the shelf for me to dispose of later in the day. Actually, there was a day when one of these yuppies spilled her coffee all over the place and then continued to wander off as if nothing happened and I looked at my co-worker (of South American decent) and said "I can't clean this up, the smell is going to make me puke" and she replied, "I love the smell of coffee," to which I snapped "that's because you're half Columbian, your blood is 50% coffee!" True story.

Other horrid coffee associated smells: Coffee breath, seriously..it's called a mint. Shove an Altoids in that orifice! Even worse, smokers with coffee breath. As if the coffee might mask that horrendous odor? No, it amplifies it and makes your teeth ten times as yellow. Please, don't stand so close to me, your breath is literally melting my skin off. Oh and just an FYI, coffee is a bowel irritant, if that helps explains your morning case of the runs.