Wal-Mart, A Rage of Harrison Sized Proportions

Despite protests, town opposition, torches AND pitchforks, Harrison Ohio will be getting it's own Wal-Mart. While Harrison hates Wal-Mart because it will detract from it's small town feel, I hate Wal-Mart for a more practical reason. If you're the largest discount retailer in the galaxy, OPEN A CHECK OUT LANE!!!

It doesn't matter what time of day you go to Wal-Mart, there will be approximately 564 people waiting to check out and no more than 3 lanes open at a time. Bonus points, one of those lanes is the tabacco lane, and living in such close proximity to Kentucky, I'll give you one guess as to which lane is the longest. Not that it REALLY matters in the game of Wal-Mart Life, because that just means the longest lane has 190 people in it as opposed to the 187 in the other two available lanes.

There was a time in my life when I honestly felt Sam Walton could've won the presidential race, even though he has been dead since 1992. However, living in an age where instant gratification is 2 seconds to slow and Wal-Mart has pissed off rich neighborhoods everywhere by planting itself in their backyards, I think Big Sam's popularity is waning. Speaking of Sam's.....

I believe that Wal-Marts no lane policy has spread like a rogue STD to it's Warehousing sister, Sam's. It's a sad truth, but I am all about a retailer who enables me to purchase 52 pounds of dog food, 48 rolls of toilet paper and a package of Twizzlers that weighs more than both of my legs for approximately $30. What I am NOT all about is standing in line behind a person purchasing enough groceries to feed Luxembourg for 13 weeks, a big screen TV AND a giant trampoline, because that would be the only lane open. Yeah, I know that supervising douche comes over and scans the stuff on my cart for me but this doesn't solve the problem. I'm still standing in line you moron! Here's a thought, get me the truck outta here and open a lane. You can have all the scanning fun you can shake at stick at there!

Really, what I'm saying here is low prices are irrelevant if I end up licking my ice cream off Wal-Marts floor before I have the chance to save 36 cents.