Hamilton County Needs a New Jail...a Lenghty Blog

Ok, I haven’t touched on the Hamilton County Jail issue yet, because I didn’t really think I had much to say. Thoughts tend to lie dormant in my mind and suddenly I’ve got so much to say and so little time. Comments made last week by our own Hamilton County Sheriff Simon Leis (who couldn’t look or act MORE like the poster child for “Grumpy Old Men”) and some random lady from Westwood or Cheviot or who cares because the west side is all the same, caused me to become conscious of my feelings concerning this issue. I’ll start with the latter of the two comments.

Random Lady says, “If you don’t want to build a new jail I’m sure Sheriff Simon Leis will be more than happy to drop these criminals off at your house so you can baby sit them.” Yeah, that might not be a direct quote, so don’t lynch me. She did say that part about baby sitting though, which I think is hilarious. Number one, threatening to drop criminals off at people’s houses, mental image = more than mildly amusing. Plus it beats the heck out of dropping them off in Butler County. What if they escape?! Well, then they’d have to contend with Big Rick Jones, and he pretty much hates everyone I think. Number two, comparing Hamilton County’s finest to glorified baby sitters, well, I wouldn’t go THAT far, but I’d say she had just about hit the nail on the head. Stay with me here. Without adequate jail space what other choice do they have than to just release these animals into the wild and hope for the best? All they can do is hope these buffoons show up for their court dates and/or report to their probation/parole officers.

The Hamilton County sheriff’s office is NOT being paid to baby sit criminals, they are being paid to protect the public. How do you expect them to do their job affectively if they don’t have adequate support or tools? This is like telling a journalist to go report a story with a stone tablet and a chisel! I can’t believe the issue of a new jail is even being debated. With several thousand criminals being released in the last several years due to lack of space and NOW Hamilton County is housing criminals in Butler County because Butler has excessive jail space, the jail problem is obvious.

It’s the 34th week of 2006, as of last Sunday there were 56 homicides in this city and the City of Cincinnati is more concerned with catching speeders and red light runners than protecting us from thieves and murders. You find the sense in that, because I haven’t got a clue. Here’s a thought city council, you take that money you want to use for traffic cameras and you put it towards a new jail. A REAL jail, not this tent city pipe dream Leslie Ghiz is dreaming about. 2 weeks ago I was driving up I-71, and within the span of 1 mile I saw 6 CPD officers and a State Highway Patrolman. The Highway Patrol was gunning speeders and then the CPD officers were pulling them over. There were 3 people pulled over, and 3 officers in waiting. Are you telling me that with more than one person being murdered a week in this crazy city, 6 officers should be sitting between Dane Avenue and the Smith-Edwards Exit? Give me a break Cincinnati. Go find the douche that donkey kicked my door!

Now, onto the sheriff’s comments. Simon says we need to support a new jail “for our own safety”. AWESOME! I think the sheriff should take notes from the bums about proper ways to beg the middle class for money. Telling people their personal safety is being jeopardized is NOT going to make them give you $225 million for a new jail. It’s going to make them start looking for a new county to call home. Get with it guys, the population of Cincinnati (or just Hamilton County in general) for 2 big reasons, that happen to be married to each other. Crime and a school system that is not only crime-ridden, but is sub-par in comparison to more suburban schools.

Cincinnati Public Schools graduated only 77% of it’s seniors last year. Rounding out the worst of the worst are Aiken, Withrow, and Wooward. These schools were only graduating between 40% and 60% of students in the last few years. Now, my mom is a Withrow grad (I won’t name the year) and according to her, you didn’t even have to show up regularly to just pass. The only suburban schools that can even come close to these low marks are: Hamilton High School (74.2%), New Miami Jr/Sr High School (72%), and Amelia High School (78.8%). For those of you not familiar with these areas, they are mostly lower income areas. The rich kids in Hamilton actually attend neighboring Fairfield and Lakota schools. Cincinnati is trying to combat this issue, but a lack of education leads to a lack of growth and employment opportunities, which leads to crime. Doesn’t take a genius to solve that problem, does it? Meanwhile, suburban schools such as the aforementioned Fairfield and Lakota schools as well as, Little Miami and Mason are boasting over 90% graduation rates.

Now, to the end of my lengthy rant. Do I believe we need a new jail? Absolutely. Do I believe it should cost $225 million to erect. Not a chance. There is already some jail space existing (granted it’s full of criminals at the time), but the space is there nonetheless. A new structure is needed, but beyond that and the increased manpower to staff the building, all that’s really needed is some good books, which I’m sure if he asked nicely, Simon could get donated. That’s right, I think criminals should spend their jail time reading books. Required book reports might not be a bad idea. At least then they’d be forced to get some sort of education…

Grillz, Babies and STD's.

This cat's got his grillz on! No joke. A dentist in Indiana (Indiana WOULD have this guy..) has put gold teeth on his 1 year old cat. Apparently the cat has a serious under bite and the dentists cat just can't have that. He claims that the teeth would break off if not reinforced by the grillz. I'm not buying it. What I think happened was this dentists was like, "Wifey, can I pimp my ride?" and she was like "Jigga no" and he was like "Hoe please.." and pimped the cat instead. Just FYI, in case you were considering this for your own pets (I know you were), the cost for pet grillz is comparable to human grillz at $900 per tooth (this is for gold caps, NOT that little retainer jazz that people put over their teeth.) This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I'll put my dogs to sleep before I pay $900 to reinforce their teeth and make them look stupid. I believe this purchase to be completely foolish for 2 reasons: 1, it's a cat. Cats hate people. This cat will never apprecaite its gold teeth. 2, Cats have that Fancy Feast crap that just a bunch of mush. They don't even NEED teeth because they can just gum that stuff down. If this guy can afford gold teeth for his kitty, surely he can afford something better than a stale bag of Sam's Choice Kitty Food. Good news though, veterinarians say that gold crowns can be put on a pet without any dental problems. Awesome! Where's Daisy?!

Canton, Ohio is very busy…getting it’s GROOVE on! Last year 65 of 490 girls at a high school in Canton were pregnant. In response, the school has decided it’s high time to expand it’s sex education programs to address the issue. The new curriculum will continue to teach abstinence, but will add teaching kids to be responsible with their sexual choices. Wow! What a brilliant idea! Not that I’m an advocate for premarital sex, but I think it should be assumed that a lot of teenagers are going to fool around at some point. When 13% of your female student body is pregnant, it’s a safe bet that an even larger percent was getting pretty lucky. I went to a Baptist school and there were pregnant girls there too! It also sounds like this school stole textbooks straight from my high school locker. Apparently the school also feels the need to replace health books that are older than some of the students. One teacher says, “If we had math books from 1988, reading books from 1988, as a parent, I would be furious.” Hmm, at Landmark if we’d had books published in 1988 my parents would have been elated. No lie, seventh grade Ohio History book, copyright 1969. A girl in our class said her mom had used the exact same book when she was in junior high. And since when were kids in high school born after 1988?! I’ve finally reached that point where I was in school before these kids were even born. Let’s have a sad moment of old silence…..

Just so you know, the current Ohio state curriculum doe not require sex education, but it does require STD ed, which is generally lumped together with nutrition, drugs and alcohol education. They’re doing an awesome job considering how obese kids are these days, plus how many kids are huffing, snorting, and smoking everything in sight. I bet this class goes something like this, “Kids, eat fruits and veggies, don’t drink or smoke da’ ganja, oh..and those bumps down there, ask yer momma.”The Canton Health Department statistics through July 2005 show that 104 of the 586 babies born between 2 hospitals were born to mothers between 11 and 19. 11! When I was 11 I barely knew what sex was, much less was I even considering having it nor was I capable of understanding it's implications. It’s times like this when I embrace my naïve upbringing.

Human Fireball

So, Dell is recalling laptop batteries due to a propensity to explode. For about 2 days I sat around waiting for my laptop to explode in my lap. However, I found the time to finally explore the issue and find out that my battery will not explode (at least not yet). Obviously, not exploding is a good thing, but admit it, if I was on the news as that girl who exploded you'd ALL be like "Hey, isn't that Nikki? She's on fire!"

A Quickie

I have to share this, it's hilarious:

So, there was this guy at work wearing a hilarious t-shirt, it said: I like my women like I like my coffee (on the front) Ground up and in the freezer (on the back). Hilarity increased exponentially due to the fact that this guy resembled a serial killer.

Wal-Mart, A Rage of Harrison Sized Proportions

Despite protests, town opposition, torches AND pitchforks, Harrison Ohio will be getting it's own Wal-Mart. While Harrison hates Wal-Mart because it will detract from it's small town feel, I hate Wal-Mart for a more practical reason. If you're the largest discount retailer in the galaxy, OPEN A CHECK OUT LANE!!!

It doesn't matter what time of day you go to Wal-Mart, there will be approximately 564 people waiting to check out and no more than 3 lanes open at a time. Bonus points, one of those lanes is the tabacco lane, and living in such close proximity to Kentucky, I'll give you one guess as to which lane is the longest. Not that it REALLY matters in the game of Wal-Mart Life, because that just means the longest lane has 190 people in it as opposed to the 187 in the other two available lanes.

There was a time in my life when I honestly felt Sam Walton could've won the presidential race, even though he has been dead since 1992. However, living in an age where instant gratification is 2 seconds to slow and Wal-Mart has pissed off rich neighborhoods everywhere by planting itself in their backyards, I think Big Sam's popularity is waning. Speaking of Sam's.....

I believe that Wal-Marts no lane policy has spread like a rogue STD to it's Warehousing sister, Sam's. It's a sad truth, but I am all about a retailer who enables me to purchase 52 pounds of dog food, 48 rolls of toilet paper and a package of Twizzlers that weighs more than both of my legs for approximately $30. What I am NOT all about is standing in line behind a person purchasing enough groceries to feed Luxembourg for 13 weeks, a big screen TV AND a giant trampoline, because that would be the only lane open. Yeah, I know that supervising douche comes over and scans the stuff on my cart for me but this doesn't solve the problem. I'm still standing in line you moron! Here's a thought, get me the truck outta here and open a lane. You can have all the scanning fun you can shake at stick at there!

Really, what I'm saying here is low prices are irrelevant if I end up licking my ice cream off Wal-Marts floor before I have the chance to save 36 cents.

Paul Daugherty, My Hero

I sat down in the breakroom today and read the sports section. I usually read the Local section, because it's the kind of reality you can't find in a novel, but today I stumbled upon the most fantastic piece of journalism and I feel the need to share it. Trust me, you'll love it:

Don't waste tears on Clarett
This case isn't sad, it's simply pathetic
BY PAUL DAUGHERTY | ENQUIRER STAFF WRITER

Let's make something clear about what has become of Maurice Clarett: It is not sad. Orphans are sad. Adolescent cancer patients are sad. "Old Yeller" was sad. The next scribe or TV Head to pair "sad" (or, worse, "tragic") and "Maurice Clarett" should be sentenced to life among the refugees in Darfur.

I could think of lots of words to describe what has become of Maurice Clarett. Sad isn't among them. Sad isn't even in the same dictionary. How about arrogant, stupid, pathetic, delusional and blind?

We toss around words like "great" and "tragic" in sports as if they were paper airplanes. Carson Palmer soon might become a "great" quarterback, but what happened to him in January wasn't "tragic." The last full-blown tragedy in sports occurred at the Munich Olympics 34 years ago. What happened to Palmer was "unfortunate."

Maurice Clarett was given a body and a talent half the world wants. The other half dreams of playing soccer for a living. As recently as a year ago, Clarett had a menagerie of hangers-on a mile wide and deep, all wanting to befriend him, even if only for the dollars they saw down the line.

Here's something sad: the way we worship athletes, regardless of their shortcomings away from the arena. The way we still believe, after so much evidence to the contrary, that because they can play a game, they are people worth emulating, or at the very least apologizing for.

Rappers in Los Angeles took in Clarett and enabled him with fine cars and a house on the beach. They got him a trainer, but Clarett quit the guy quickly, because the guy made him work.

Clarett moved to Phoenix and hooked up with David Boston's trainer. The NFL has suspended Boston for steroid use.

No fear. Clarett quit that guy, too. And because Denver Broncos coach Mike Shanahan believes his system creates great running backs, he drafted Clarett in the third round of the 2005 NFL draft. It was an amazing break for someone who played not one full season of college ball.

A few weeks into camp, Clarett was demanding that the Broncos' strength coach of 11 years be fired. When the Broncos, for some crazy reason, opted not to do that, Clarett demanded a trade.

He hadn't even signed a contract.

Clarett was so delusional, he asked that a Pro Bowl clause be inserted in his deal. The Broncos cut him before he ever carried the ball in the preseason.

This is sad?

Clarett knocked around after that, doing what he does, which is a lot of nothing. And, oh yeah, getting accused of robbing two people at gunpoint in an alley behind a bar in Columbus.

Meanwhile, Clarett had a baby with his girlfriend in July. Here's a great idea: When you're broke and unemployed and can't even take care of yourself, have a child with your girlfriend.

On Wednesday in the middle of the night, police stopped Clarett after a chase. He was unruly, which isn't sad, but rather stupid. The cops Tasered him, which didn't work because he was wearing a bulletproof vest. In Clarett's vehicle were three handguns, a hatchet, an assault rifle and half a bottle of vodka. Just your average, everyday cargo for a responsible adult with a 3-week-old child.

Oh, the tragedy.

Clarett's bond was set at $5 million. Probably, his good friends in Los Angeles won't be wiring him the money.

You could see Clarett's saga as the ultimate cautionary tale. But by now, cautionary tales such as his have become cliche'. As cliche' as those who find them "sad."

"I was a person who was scheduled to make millions," Clarett told ESPN.com.

Uh, Maurice: No one is "scheduled" to make anything. There is no ETA on wealth. The entitlement train doesn't roll in, right on time, bearing your personal Brink's truck. You make your own way.

This is something Clarett never understood. This is not sad. This is immensely arrogant and foolish.

So let's clear Maurice Clarett from the sadness docket, shall we? That court is crowded enough without him.

The Rage: No, Not a Bad Stephen King Novel Remake, My Life.

Let me preface this posting with this, there are VERY few things in this world that turn me into an anal-retentive psychopath. Type-A personality is not something I'm known for having. To be quite honest, I'm pretty laid back and I don't take a lot of things seriously. All that being said, I freely admit that I'm a neurotic schizoid when it comes to how my groceries are bagged. Don't hate, we all have our own thing, grocery bagging it mine so step off!

Why am I anal retentive about something that seems so ridiculous? Well, why not! Mainly, I get irritated because this is not a task that requires any great skill. It's basically a little bit of common sense combines with a mild capacity to pay attention. Here's the dilly yo, meat doesn't get put into the same bag with soap, canned goods do not get placed on top of bread or eggs, and you cannot put 67 cans of beans in a plastic bag or it will break.

I realize that I am so particular, so I go the extra mile for my slack-jawed cashier because they always appear to be very busy drooling on themselves when it's my turn to have my order rung. I actually place my items on the conveyor belt in very distinct groups: cold items, boxed items, canned items, meats, produce etc., you get the picture. The point is, even a drool box should be able to figure out how to appropriately bag my items. However, upon a recent trip to my favorite Meijer, the forecast was an 89% chance of bananas on top of grapes and sour cream ending up in the same bag with Q-Tips and bodywash. These things weren't even in neighboring piles! How do you mess that up?!

Let me tell you a little ditty about when I first started rocking Meijer's world. When I was 16, my first official job title was "bagger". I was a professional grocery bagger and I was pretty darn awesome, I must admit. Trust me, if my mom will let you bag her groceries, you're pretty good. My mom is not above ripping her own daughter a new one if she bags groceries poorly. So, I know from experience how little brain power it takes to stack boxes of cereal and NOT squash someone's bread.

So, I go to the store and I knew I was in trouble when I saw my cashier wipe her mouth on the back of her hand. I wasn't aware that it was neanderthal day at my local grocers, honestly, there should've been a sign. Not only did she not care about my grocery bagging needs, she mocked the act of bagging in a way that caused my blood pressure to rise to nearly aneurysm level. First, she SPIKED my mushrooms into the bag, Chad Johnson style and I thought "Unless you just signed a $40 million contract with the Colts, you'd better not spike my produce." Then steam came from my ears when this idiot put bananas on top of my grapes. HUH?! On what ape-ridden planet is it acceptable to place anything on top of grapes? Then she starts eeny meeny miney mo-ing to chose things at random from my meticulously arranged piles. So there I am in the parking lot, re-bagging my entire order because this girl had the mental capacity of old cornmeal.